Roller Coaster Ride

"We have an idea of happiness.  We believe that only certain conditions will make us happy.  But it is often our very idea of happiness that prevents us from being happy." ~ Thich Nhat Hahn

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There are many emotions that human beings experience:  happiness, sadness, excitement, anxiousness, fear, anger, pride, jealousy, laziness, sympathy--the list goes on.  Buddhism teaches there are 108 emotions.  I don't know what they are, but that number is a lot higher than the list I wrote above.

Lately, when I am sitting in my cold apartment, I find myself feeling excited about going back to the US.  Then when I'm at school and see the kids that I spent the past year with, I feel sad, even guilty that I am leaving after only one year.  I'm having bi-polar days and truth be told, it is a bit exhausting.

Tomorrow is graduation day and the official end to the semester and school year for students and teachers. Time to say goodbye and get ready to move on to the next place and time.

학생들이, 안녕히가세요!

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Why doesn't it get easier?

In less than 50 days, I'll be saying goodbye to Korea and to Samjeong and to my life here in Seoul and moving back to the US.   Despite all the new starts I've had in the last few years, I'm nervous to do it again.

What if I can't find a job? What if I don't fit in anymore? What if I miss my life abroad? What if I regret not having stayed in Korea? What if I can't settle?  What if I end up 'failing'?

These thoughts whirl around in my head. I know in the logical part of my mind that there was always uncertainty at every start that I've undertaken.   One year ago today, I had no clue about where in Seoul I would be teaching, who I would be teaching, who I'd be working with or even where I would be living.  Go back another three years from then and I was just starting my last semester of undergrad and I had zero clue about what would happen once I moved to Germany.  But in the end, everything always worked out, in fact, better than anything I could have planned.

Soon I will be going to a place I've lived the majority of my life.  There are less unknowns this time around, and yet it doesn't seem to help.

If any of you are HIMYM fans, you might remember the episode where Marshall wants to quit his job, but just when he's about to do it, he feels this wave of nostalgia at every turn making him think 'this job isn't too bad', even though he hated his work at Goliath National Bank.  Part of that preference to stick with the old, is because it's familiar and letting go means choosing an unknown over certainty.   I think I'm entering that period now in Korea.

Wishing myself courage and luck to do it all over one more time.

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An end in sight...

Last night we booked our tickets home.

We came up with various travel plans, but in the end, the best choice for us was a more direct flight.  We couldn't find reasonably priced tickets for a visit to Germany, therefore Plan Europe got scratched out (although we're sure we'll be back there sooner or later).  Plan B, which we tried formulating involved a few days stay in Bangkok, Thailand, where my brother and his wife will be traveling through in the beginning of March.  It also fell through as not only were the prices high, but there were two very lengthy layovers on the ticket and we thought it could potentially cause problems with all our luggage and with DH carrying such important paperwork (aka his Visa to the US).  So, in the end, Air Canada got our money and the privilege of escorting us home.

Our days here are really numbered now!  It makes me want to go out and explore all the more--I think I'm really going to miss you Korea.

"So long, farewell, aufwiedersehen, good-bye!"

So, this will be my last post from Germany for quite a while. Heading to Seoul tomorrow morning, arriving Thursday afternoon.  Flying with Emirates via Duesseldorf and Dubai.  I'm allowed 30 kg and a 7 kg carry-on.  That's it.  Most of my belongings at this point have been given away, thrown away or brought back to the US.  I have one suitcase und das ist alles.

I'll be attending EPIK Orientation for the first ten days, so until March 3rd and then I begin work on the 5th. Other than that--everything is still kind of blank in my mind in terms of what to expect.  I know I'm working in Seoul, but as for apartment, age group, school location--we find out all of it after we arrive.  EPIK likes to keep us on our toes it seems.

It's been a freaking long process--starting back in June & July of 2011.   Stressful beyond belief.  But now it's over.  Or the application process is anyway, and now it's time to start the real thing.  So, before heading off, Ein großes Dankeschön an alle, die meine Zeit hier so besonders und schön gemacht haben.

...And to all the new people I'm about to meet in South Korea...

My introduction in Hangul.  "Hello. My name is Diana. I come from America.  Nice to meet you!"

Time for a change...

I think most people know by now, but I didn't want to update my blog officially about it until all work related things were taken care of.  So--for those of you who don't know--I am leaving Germany. 

I'm excited. I'm happy.  I'm nervous.  I'm all kinds of emotions--but mostly good ones.  Maybe because it's Christmas now, so the feeling is joyful and merry, and feelings of gratitude for the year past are on my mind, but thinking back to a few months ago when all the planning was starting to take place, I really felt sad at the thought of leaving. I still am in some ways of course, but the overwhelming feeling is of gratitude.  Gratitude for all the incredible people I could meet and all the incredible experiences I could have over the last 2+ years here in Germany.

After my visit to the US in January, I'll be returning to Germany for about a week and then be heading off to South Korea. (Yes, David is coming with me.) I was accepted into the EPIK program which places Guest English Teachers in the Korean Public School System. And while there feels like a ton of things that need to be done, most of them I can't get started with until January. So for now, it's finishing up my teaching responsibilities with all my wonderful students over the next two weeks and enjoying the awesome Christmas spirit that has taken over the city. 

Now that it's official I can finally update my blog properly on what's been taking over my life the last few months...  so, this blog will soon be a-changing.  I hope you'll all join me on my journey as I hope to keep updating with progress and things taking place over the next few months.